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After a break – Getting back to work

It seems like I’ve been away from work for a while, like between the week of Thanksgiving 2018 and the first week of January 2019 work came to a stand-still.

I used my office to store packing materials, stash Christmas presents, and house living room knick-knacks displaced by season decorations.

Hmm. Something’s not right.

It was a nice break, but the time off didn’t mean I sat around the house binge-watching The Hallmark Channel and eating fruitcake, not at all.

Life gets busy

My husband and I took a last-minute weekend trip to Philadelphia, PA, prepped for Christmas, and were thrilled when a bonus Christmas gift arrived — our daughter and son-in-law made a surprise visit home from overseas. All this was after two family weddings, an out of town book signing, and an unexpected death in the family.

I didn’t blog, write, or edit during my break. It felt good to step away from my Works In Progress, “A Song for Jessica” (ASFJ) Audiobook, edits of sequel to ASFJ, and revisions on an urban fantasy YA novel I’m working on.

Pushing hard and getting nowhere

To be honest, for a few weeks leading up to the holidays I felt myself putting in hours at the keyboard but producing very little. Then I had a few setbacks (see What I’m working on now). I knew I was approaching the point of diminishing returns, like getting your car stuck in the mud and the more you press on the gas the deeper you sink.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away for a bit and think about something else. The break can help ease frustration, give a new perspective, allow you to catch your breath, and devise a plan.

While out of the office, I

  • Wrote out 2018 accomplishments Writing them down keeps it for the record because in a few years you may remember the biggies, but you may not remember the small victories and those are important, too.
  • Made a list of personal and professional goals for 2019 This is a flexible document : )
  • Started planning action necessary to execute 2019 goals.
  • Began cleaning and organizing my office. (It’s a WIP)
My office needs attention.

When it was time to get back to work, I was refreshed and ready rather than feeling overwhelmed and directionless, like I had at the end of the year.

Taking a break from your work can boost your focus and productivity. Even if you love what you do, rest can be the best thing you do for yourself and for your work.

Photo by Ruby Montalvo publshed on rubymontalov.com

It’s the in-between stuff that can kick your butt


Starting a project is hard. Finishing is hard. But it’s the in-between stuff that can kick your butt. That’s what I’m going through right now as I’m writing the sequel to my first novel, A Song for Jessica.

But the struggle to get to “The End” isn’t unique to writing.

Think of a remodeling project.

I love those home improvement commercials that start by showing the outdated, dull room, then the guy/woman/couple decide it’s time for a change.

Next scene, they’re at the store picking out their new products for the remodel. The guy/woman/couple smile, the sales clerk smiles (they actually find someone to help them!).

Next scene, the remodel happens. They tape a door frame and stir the paint. Simple and clean.

And then the very next scene, the work’s all done! The guy/woman/couple straighten a picture they’ve just hung on the wall as a finishing touch.

Now they stand back and admire their work. It’s beautiful and perfect.

If only it were that easy.

What they don’t show is the back and forth “disussion” about design, colors, materials, and cost. “Discussion” about the best way to do it, the unexpected kinks in the plan, then what to have for dinner because there’s dust and/or paint everywhere, and that goes on for days or weeks and maybe the project is never totally finished.

The struggle is real.

Getting to “The End” of a project can be exhausting and frustrating, but it’s do-able.

It helps to:

  • Be patient. Expect your project to take time and effort. You have to want it bad enough to believe the time and effort will be worth it in the end. (Remember the remodeling scenario.)
  • Pace yourself. If it’s a long road to the finish, slow and steady is more likely to get you there, especially if it feels like the work is an unpleasant grind. I was working on revisions to a first draft I finished months before and every time I worked on it I wanted to give it up, just abandon the project. But one page at a time, that’s the only way to do it. Slow progress is still progress, right?
  • Be open to getting help if you can. It’s hard to trust another person with a project that’s your baby, but the right person can make a big difference in the end result. Another set of eyes, an extra hand can be the boost you need.
  • Set up an accountability partner who can give you a gentle push to the end. It’s like having someone cheering you on to the finish line.
  • Set a schedule–break down what needs to be done and pace it out to an end date. For me, it’s a way to help visualize the end of the project. But be flexible. Remember, stuff happens and some days you’ll be more productive than others.

If you’re struggling to get the “The End” of a project, you’re not alone. It’s not easy.

But don’t let that stop you from getting started, whatever it is you want to do.

For more tips on Why it’s so hard to finish what you start and what you can do about it, click here.

Photo by Mark Montalvo published on rubymontalvo.com

A small victory outside my comfort zone


I had a Book Signing at the Barnes and Noble store in Corpus Christi a few weeks ago and it was a big deal for me for a couple of reasons.

First, it was my 1st ever Barnes and Noble event and, to me, brick and mortar stores are still really important. (See my post 4 Ways in person shopping is good for your health). There’s nothing like talking to other people who love books. (Somehow I hadn’t realized what a major book-nerd I am!)

Second, I would be among strangers. I was not in my hometown and my friends and family wouldn’t be there. I would be talking to people I’d just met. Except for my husband, Mark, who patiently sat and listened to me read from my book  : ) I’d be meeting all new people.

Here are my top 5 takeaways:

Opportunity lies past your comfort zone.

Maybe it helped that my husband was with me and I knew I’d have at least one person in the audience. I loved being there and seeing my book among a bunch of other books. It didn’t matter that I was in the Cookbook section and near the toys and games.

It was a great reminder about why I write and what that’s all about.

I sold 2 books (yay!) and the 2 women who bought them could relate to my novel’s plot for different reasons. It was a really great reminder that even though my story’s not for everyone, it’s for some people. I have to get out of my own way and just tell the story. Then I have to work to help people find it.

Practice, practice, practice.

Only 3 people stopped at my table and I was there 2 hours, so I read from my book and did a Q & A session. That’s right, my husband asked me questions like, “How do you come up with names for the characters of your book?” and “Do you know what’s going to happen when you write? Do you know how your story will end?” I used a small sound system and read random chapters of my book, which was great practice for my audiobook recording.

Here’s the thing that’s really interesting about that: My husband, Mark, knows this story, A Song for Jessica, and my process better than anyone else. But he asked questions he was genuinely curious about.

I learned that it’s very different to know something in my head and another thing entirely to talk about them. Speaking to an audience of one was very good practice.

Nothing’s wasted.

A writer commented on Twitter the other day about coming across a story she’d written years ago and had never developed but then fell in love with it again. And she said, “Nothing’s ever wasted.” That’s kind of how I feel about the Q & A and reading to my husband.

Everyone has a story.

When I first decided to self-publish my book and started learning about marketing, one of the people I follow said, get out of your office and meet people. She said authors tend to do great online and in ads and marketing, but we struggle to get in front of people. I’ve been the opposite. I love meeting and talking to people, even if they don’t want to buy my book. I’m always amazed by the compelling and fascinating stories of regular people and the choices that determine outcomes. I’m reminded that I’m still writing mine.

A small victory

When it seems like you’re not making much progress and your efforts feel pointless, remember that small victories can be hugely satisfying.

And bear in mind:

  • Opportunity lies past your comfort zone.
  • Practice is good.
  • It’s okay if your work isn’t for everyone.
  • Nothing’s wasted.
  • Everyone has a story.

Thanks to Jessica and the Barnes and Noble Corpus Christi staff for welcoming me to their beautiful store. I’m grateful for the opportunity. 

Photo by Ruby Montalvo published on rubymontalvo.com

Changing paths and dreaming dreams


Photo by Ruby Montalvo published on rubymontalvo.com
Quote by C.S.Lewis Photo by Ruby Montalvo


It’s funny to reflect on how you got where you are, the choices you made and paths you chose to get you to the exact moment you’re in.

And the memories are mental snapshots of those pivotal moments. That’s how it works for me.

It’s tempting to say sometimes, “If only I would’ve done _________________ (fill in the blank), then _______________ (fill in the blank) woudn’t have happened and I’d be ______________. (fill in the blank).”

But there’s no going back. You can only go forward.

And sometimes you have to change paths

When I first decided to retire early from public education, I set out to share what I’d learned about good nutrition and exercise through my menopausal experience. My goal was to help women stay strong and healthy as they age.

That’s when I started blogging.

In the process of writing and talking to people about health and nutrition, I realized they often knew how to stay healthy and lose weight, but they struggled doing it. They needed encouragement and motivation.

That’s where Mindset Monday came in.

I liked talking about nutrition and exercise, just like I liked teaching and being a librarian, but then my goals changed.

One day I decided to listen to something that had been gnawing at me for a while.

I’d taken this early retirement, why don’t I do the one thing I know I’ve always wanted to do… write a book? “If not now, when?” I asked myself.

So I changed paths again and started writing. Even though I had no clue what I was getting into when I started, I finished my 1st draft of my 1st novel on March 15, 2017. After lots of self-doubt, tears, and multiple revisions, I published on May 31, 2018.

Through it all I kept blogging, writing Mindset Monday almost every week. I decided to focus on the encouraging messages I needed to hear…You can do it. Keep going. You have to start somewhere. Strive for progress not perfection. 

I’ve heard from many people about how they needed that boost my blogpost gave them and that’s perfect. That’s the best outcome I could hope for.

But now, my writing goals have changed.

Maybe because now I know I can write a novel, I want to keep writing novels. I want to write short stories and maybe even a screenplay.

And I have a lot of works in progress.

After a lot of learning and missteps, I’m in the process of recording the Audiobook version of A Song for Jessica. I hope to publish by the end of this year.

I have 2 manuscripts (1st drafts) I’m revising. One is the sequel to A Song for Jessica, working title is Allie 2 (I know…creative title) which I hope to publish early 2019, and the other is a project turned out to be a YA, urban fantasy novel that I started November 2017 for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I’m not sure if or when I’ll publish.

I’ve had the extreme good fortune to have 3 Book Signing Events so far and I hope to do more soon. I love talking to people about reading and books and it’s a huge thrill to introduce my work to “strangers”.


I’ve discovered that I’m a real Book Nerd. When I was at Barnes and Noble this past weekend it took tremendous self-control to stay at my table instead of browsing the shelves and peeking at book jackets. Hats off to my husband for keeping me in check!


Looking forward

All that to say … this will be my final installment of Mindset Monday.

I’ll continue blogging about what I’m doing, what I’m learning, and share encouraging messages, but it may not be every week and it won’t be as Mindset Monday. The website may take on a new look and shape. It’s always a Work In Progress.

And I’ll send a newsletter update once or twice a month instead of once a week, so if you haven’t already done so, sign up now for email updates and get my ebook, A Year of Mindset Monday, free while it’s still available.

Thanks for all your support and encouragement and for taking the time to read. If it weren’t for you reading my work I really would be just talking to myself : )

Until next time… wishing you courage, strength, and happiness.

~ Ruby

photo by rubymontalvo published on rubymontalvo.com

The uncertainty of life and preparing for the inevitable


I’m trying something new and including an audio version of the post here:


Life is so uncertain. I know this, but don’t always remember.

When I heard the shocking news of the sudden passing of a healthy, well-loved man in the prime of his life, I immediately thought of his family and friends and the shock and grief they must be feeling at losing him so unexpectedly.

And it reminded me of an important truth:

There’s no guarantee of another day, of another year.

I, too, will die one day. Hopefully later than sooner, but who knows?

Preparing for the inevitable.

Years ago my dad was diagnosed with bone cancer. At the time, I was a single mom doing my best to manage a household and raise two young children while working full-time. Those days were physically and emotionally taxing.

I lived next door to The Murray’s, a retired couple and would chat with Mr. Murray about the weather, the kids, and the goings-on in the neighborhood.

One day I was in the front yard talking to Mr. Murray and somehow and for some reason I told him that my dad had just been diagnosed with bone cancer.

Mr. Murray listened and said, “Well, prepare yourself.”

His response surprised me and got my attention. My dad and I had issues (I’ve written about some of them here), but I always thought my dad was one of those people who would always survive. He’d survived seizures and comas and I thought he’d survive this too. I wasn’t ready.

I’d lost my 27 year-old sister two years before. Though she was ill, her death was sudden and unexpected. I had not been prepared to lose her, to live with the fact that when I said good-bye to her on a cold, clear Christmas night in 1994 that that would be the last time I saw her alive.

But this was different. My dad had bone cancer. This would inevitably kill him. And I was not prepared.

I took Mr. Murray’s advice to heart and mentally and emotionally prepared myself for my dad’s death. It made a big difference in our relationship.

Life and death.

None of this is meant to be morbid or depressing. Really!

I don’t obsess about death, but I am cognizant of the one thing I know for sure: I will die. Some day.

Hopefully not for a long time. If I live to life expectancy, I figure I have about 25 years left.

I consider that ample time to prepare myself. (As it gets closer I may change my mind about how prepared I can be for my own death.)

But for me all this talk about death is not really about death. It’s about life. Time in this life is a finite resource.

It makes me think of my life and what I’ve done and what I still want to do.

I don’t want to obsess about the ticking clock, but I do want to keep it in mind so I remember I’m on a deadline.

We all are, even if we don’t want to think about it.

“Someday” never comes

Read Waiting for “someday” puts dreams out of reach

So if there’s some idea burned in your soul or some passion you hope to pursue someday, there’s no time like the present to get on it.

Right now is all any of us have. Life is uncertain and nothing is guaranteed.

Get over yourself, your fear, your insecurities, your excuses. It can be scary to venture out and do something you’ve never done. But don’t wait for the perfect time when you’re 100% ready.

There’s no time like now to move in the direction of your dreams.


photo courtesy of pixabay published on rubymontalvo.com

How to ignore naysayers and other well-meaning people


Are you up to the challenge of ignoring naysayers and other well-meaning people?

Here’s the scenario. You’re finally ready to face your fears and move in the direction of your dreams. It’s time. No more screwing around. You have a plan and a goal and you know there’ll be challenges, but you’re ready.

You’re so excited that you tell a friend (or relative or teacher) about your goals and dreams. And with just one discouraging word or look or question from them, you walk away full of doubt.

When you decide to follow your dreams there will be challenges, maybe the most difficult is ignoring people who mean well but who really just seem like they’re trying to keep you with all the other crabs in the bucket. (The story goes that several crabs in a bucket keep them all in because if one of them tries to get out, the others will pull him back in.)

But crabs will be crabs.

Be ready for people to be honest without any sugarcoating when they tell you what they don’t understand or see in your vision. “How much will that cost? How can you do that? Is that going to work?” they might say.

And the truth is you don’t really know how it’s going to work. You don’t have all the answers, but you’re determined to figure it out. They may say, “I’m just being honest,” when they tell you they don’t think you should do it without realizing it’s not just what they say but how they say it that can be the most discouraging.

When you’re not 100% sure of yourself and your abilities it’s hard to ignore even the slightest opposition.

But that person who bashed your dreams may be oblivious to his or her power and may not have meant to discourage you. It may not be personal. It’s not that they dislike you and they might even feel like they’re giving you “tough love.”

They mean well and are just trying to give it to you straight. (I know I’ve been that well-meaning parent and I cringe thinking about how “honest” I was.)

So how do you get past it? What can you do to make sure you don’t give up on your dreams because someone says you can’t do it?

Here are a few things to consider to get you past the naysayers and other well-meaning people (Including yourself!).

Have courage. You may know the story of the young Joan of Arc who was ready to lead a revolution and said, “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” You may not feel that level of courage and commitment, but you have to be able to have courage to press on when others say you can’t or shouldn’t. 

Take heart. You’re not alone. Every successful person who’s done what you want to do has faced the same type of challenges and doubt. Seek out people who have overcome the kinds of challenges you’re facing. Their insights may help you.

Remember the seed was planted in you. I truly believe that the thing you want to do, your goal or aspiration, is not “of you.” It’s a spiritual thing that calls you to take action toward it. You may end up someplace totally unexpected that would have never happened if you hadn’t taken that first step. You may not even be able to explain why you want to do it. Somehow that makes it easier to ignore people who say you can’t do it. 

Show up and work. One of the things about following your dream is that it takes a lot of work. It’s easy to say what you’re going to do and a whole different thing to do it. Track your progress so when it seems like you’re getting nowhere and the naysayers were right, you can look at how far you’ve come even if you still have a long way to go.

Don’t expect people to be as excited as you are. There may be nothing worse than sharing the thrill of a victory (even a small one) and getting no response. Not even crickets. Or worse, instead of no response they say something negative. Don’t let it get you down. You know what you’ve done and what you’ve learned from it. Sometimes that has to be enough.

Don’t overthink it. Your work won’t be for everyone. Don’t waste your energy trying to bring people around to believing in your dream. They may not understand what you’re trying to do. It’s okay. Stay focused, set your goals, and work one day at a time.

Stay strong while you’re moving in the direction of your dreams. Be prepared to ignore people who say you can’t or shouldn’t. They may love you and mean well, but that doesn’t mean you have to let them decide your path.

Read more about overcoming obstacles, read What are you waiting for?

photo courtesy of pixabay.com published on rubymontalvo.com

Start strong, finish stronger


I’ve often thought about the idea of “starting” and whether it’s easier to start or finish. (I think I must’ve been a deep thinking philosopher in another life.)

It’s a little like the chicken and egg question and doesn’t seem answer-able because you can’t finish if you don’t start, but that doesn’t make it any easier to start.

And for the sake of discussion here, I’m talking about starting and finishing things you want to do for your own personal fulfillment.

Possibly to improve your life, possibly just for the joy of doing it, possibly for the satisfaction of checking off your bucket list, anything that requires you to get out of your regular routine, kind of get away from “Auto-Pilot” mode to disrupt your regular routine.

You’ll have to commit time, energy, and maybe even money.

The challenge of starting

For the purpose of simplifying the discussion, let’s pick a project. Let’s say we want to run a marathon.

A marathon is 26.2 miles. Let’s say the furthest you’ve ever run in your life is a 5k, 3.1 miles.

Here are some things people might say when you tell them you’re thinking about running a marathon:

Why would you want to do that?

Do you know anything about it?

You’re crazy.

Why the hell would you do that?

You’re not a runner.

That’ll be cool. You can cross the finish line like “Rocky”!

That’s awesome!

The only good reason to run is if something’s chasing you.

Why?

You start to doubt whether you can really do it. You consider the investment of time and money and think, “Why do I want to do this?”

You list your reasons to go ahead with it:

for the physical challenge

I’ve always wanted to

for the satisfaction of starting and finishing.

Then you think,“Wow, all this figuring and mental ping-pong is exhausting!” And you haven’t even done anything yet! But, in a way, you have.

When you undertake a marathon-like project you have to know that there’ll be obstacles. And you’re sure to encounter some you hadn’t considered.

photo courtesy of pixabay.com published on rubymontalvo.com

It won’t be easy. The road will be long. Some people will doubt you can do it.

If you’ve considered all those things and gone back and forth about whether you should or not before commiting 100% and you want to do it anyway, and you decide you’re going to do it, that’s what will get you to the start. And you can’t get to the finish unless you get to the start.

It’s impossible to finish unless you start.

In our scenario, our enthusiastic but inexperienced runner goes out on her first training run and struggles to do 3 miles. In her mind she thinks, “How in the world am I going to run 26 when I feel like I’m dying after 3?”

Doubt creeps in, but she’s ready for it. She shakes it off and tells herself, “It’s okay. At least I got out there and did it. I have to start somewhere so I might as well start at the beginning.” (For more on this, see Believe in yourself when doubt creeps in)

That’s the spirit!

You have to start somewhere. Don’t shut yourself down before you’ve even started.

You have to trust the process (See Be patient and trust the process) and believe you can do it.

It’s okay if it’s a rough start. You knew there’d be obstacles.

Have a beginner’s mindset and be open to learning all you can. You may be surprised to learn of ways to make the experience more pleasant and maybe even fun. (See Embrace the Beginner’s Mindset)

Keep moving in the direction of your goal and you’ll gain momentum toward it.

Remember why you started. You may have had more reasons not to do it than to do it, but none of that matters because you’re committed. You knew it wouldn’t be easy going in.

I don’t know if it’s harder to start or finish. But logic tells us it’s impossible to finish what you never start.

When you start, knowing there’ll be challenges ahead and that it won’t be easy, but you’re ready to do it anyway, you’re more likely to finish what you’ve started. 

So how about you?

What marathon-like goal do you have? How close are you to starting?

When you’re ready to commit, remember, you have to start somewhere. Forget about wanting to be perfect and always keep in mind why you started. That’s your why and your why will move you forward when you feel you can’t go another step.

Photo courtesy of pixabay.com published on strong-woman.com

What are you waiting for?


Have you ever wanted to do something, but haven’t done it because it’s just never been the right time?

So that “something” becomes one of those gnawing passions that doesn’t go away, that thing you feel like you should be doing, but for some reason, you’re not; something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t.

Maybe it’s running a marathon, getting your degree, starting a charity or foundation, starting a blog, writing poetry, painting, doing yoga, learning to juggle, performing as a clown, or traveling the world.

If someone were to ask you, “Why do you want to do that?” you may have a hard time answering.

There may not be a clear or straightforward explanation for wanting to do this thing you want to do. All you know is that somewhere along the way a seed was planted in your soul that made you think, “I want to do that.”

But “Life got in the way,” as they say.

When we say “Life got in the way,” it makes it seem as if there’s a straight path to something ahead and along the way you live life, maybe get married, have kids, buy a house, etc.

We wait to:

  • have kids grow up
  • have more money
  • pay off the car
  • lose weight
  • get a better job
  • get a promotion
  • have more time
  • get more training
  • be more mentally prepared
  • have better conditions

But “Life” goes on. And all those moving parts and people in your life sometimes move and act in ways you don’t expect, further delaying your chance to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.

Even in the unlikely scenario that “Life” goes exactly as you’d expected and the day finally comes when you can finally do what you’ve always wanted to do, will you be ready? Will you be okay with starting at the beginning? Or will you feel like it’s too late for you now?

What are you waiting for?

Don’t wait for condiitons to be perfect and don’t expect it all to go smoothly. When you take on your dream you will encounter struggles, some external, many internal.

As I’ve been out promoting my book I’ve met people who say, “I’ve always wanted to write a book.”

My response to them: Do it. Now. You absolutely can. Start writing.

Obstacles in your path

I used to get cranky because something always came up that stopped me from what I wanted to do, but I hadn’t realized that my biggest obstacles were the ones that came from me: fear, Resistance, lack of confidence (to name a few).

There will always be obstacles in your path.

The question is: will you step over them, go around them, ask for help in getting past them, or will you let them block your way? Will you continue to use those “reasons” for keeping you from doing that thing you’ve always wanted to do?

Stop waiting. You can figure it out. It’s okay if it’s not perfect (in fact, it almost certainly won’t be!) but you have to start somewhere. (Read my blogpost Strive for progress not perfection for more on this point.)

Some tips to get you started:

  • Set small, incremental goals. Little by little adds up to a lot.
  • Have a cheerleader. You’ll need someone who can give you a pep talk when you’re doubting you can or should be doing what you’re doing. Even online groups or social media groups can help you through the rough patches.
  • Ignore the people who say you can’t. Or that you’re crazy or stupid or irresponsible for doing what you’re doing. You may actually agree with them on some level, but don’t let that stop you.
  • Life is a composite of what you do and how you spend your time. Keep your priorties in order even when you’re working toward fulfilling your dreams.
  • Fill as many “time leaks” as possible. It’s like when you’re trying to reduce your water or electricity usage, some sound advice is to repair all leaks. What are your “time leaks”? A little occasional mindless down-time isn’t a big deal, but pay attention and don’t let yourself get sucked into a “time waister vortex” so what you intended to last 10 minutes turns out to be two hours you’ll never get back. No bueno.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. 

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Stop waiting to do whatever it is you’ve “always wanted to do”. Get started now to make your dreams a reality. The world is waiting.

Think it’s too late for you? Check out this awesome woman who got around the obstacles in her way to finally do what she’s always wanted to do:

Why One Woman Decided To Become A Doctor At Age 59

photo by ruby montalvo published on rubymontalvo.com

It’s important to be good to others, but don’t forget to be good to yourself too


Be good to yourself. It’s a simple concept. It means treat yourself with love, consideration, and kindness. Be understanding and forgiving towards yourself.

The concept is simple, but not always easy.

What does it mean?

“Good people” are kind, supportive, considerate, and generous. They help us feel positive about ourselves and about life.

They’re like a warm blanket on a cold night or a bowl of chicken soup to ease a scratchy throat. 

But sometimes it feels more natural to be good to a stranger than to ourselves.

We tend to beat ourselves up, focus on our weaknesses, and criticize ourselves when we’re less than perfect. 

How can we lift ourselves up instead of putting ourselves down?

Be kind. Especially through difficult times, small acts of kindness go a long way. Take a few minutes out of a busy day to meditate, listen to uplifting music, or go for a walk.

Smile. Let your smile be your signature look. It can change your disposition and open your heart to self-love.

Be grateful. There’s an old saying that goes, “I cried that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” It doesn’t change your situation, but it may help you see it in a more positive light.

Forgive. Forgiveness is a powerful gift. It can take time to “get over” mistakes and imperfections, but it starts with a choice to forgive yourself.

Every day is a chance to be better than you were yesterday, to do better than you did yesterday. Make it a point to treat yourself with love, kindness, and compassion. Be good to yourself the same way you strive to be good to those you love.

Photo by Ruby Montalvo published on rubymontalvo.com

The struggle to finish and get to the “The End”


I’m working on another book, a follow up to A Song for Jessica.

And I’m having a heckuva time getting to “The End,”

Finishing that last 1/3 of the book has really gotten me down.

It’s hard to finish off a project, especially one that has no concrete deadline, no one waiting for it, no one depending on it for life, health, welfare, or other.

And I’ve given this idea a lot of thought: Why is it so hard to get to “The End”?

Here are some ideas:

Finishing the first draft means I’ll have to look at what I’ve done.

Ernest Hemingway once said, “The first draft of anything is sh**.” This first draft is a necessary step in a long process. I can’t expect the work to be good at this stage, but I can’t go any further until I finish this first draft. Finishing the first stage forces me to see what I’ve written which leads me to wonder if it’s enough of a story.

Self-doubt can shut me down.

It’s constant, but for me, self-doubt gets worse toward the finish. I have to do my best to avoid the negative self-talk and keep the positive and encouraging self-talk going.

I feel impatient for the final draft and I have a long way to go before I get there.

With my first book I didn’t know what I was getting into. I was naive enough to think it was pretty decent when I handed copies out to my Beta Readers wanting their honest feedback on the work, and Thank God, I had people who could tell me the truth. It needed work.

I think most projects are hard to finish, but maybe for slightly different reasons.

  • We get bored and are ready to do something else.
  • Or we love what we’re doing and don’t want it to end because then what would we do.
  • We lose our motivation to finish for some other undefined reason

Years ago I ran the Chicago Marathon and I was so close to the finish and so tired and ready to be done, and I remember thinking, “One step at a time. Just put one foot in front of the other.”

I kept my eyes on the finish line and kept moving forward. That’s how I finished. It wasn’t pretty, but it was done.

That same mindset will get me to “The End.”

There must be some sort of study about why it’s so hard to finish stuff (books, notebooks, challenges, etc.), but I don’t need anyone to tell me it’s hard.

And there may be other, more sophisticated ways of getting to the end, but I’ll just keep doing it the way I did it that unseasonably warm October day in Chicago:

Focus on the finish line and take one step at a time.

That’s how I’ll get to “The End”.  And I can’t overthink it or I’ll never get there. 

Slow is okay as long as I’m moving forward with the finish line in sight.